Let’s talk about how fear is holding us back from doing the things we REALLY want to be doing in our businesses.
In this episode, we talk about how fear is holding us back from doing the things we REALLY want to be doing in our businesses like:
- showing up on video in our content because we think we look/sound weird
- making offers and having sales conversations because we don’t want to be sleazy
- sharing our message online because we’re worried about what our grandma or old high school friends will say about it
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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*NOTE* This episode was recorded LIVE inside my Facebook group, Brand Boldly for Service-Based Entrepreneurs. Join the group to participate LIVE and get your questions answered in real time.
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Here’s a transcript of the episode
Hello everyone. I am here to talk about fear. So what I mean when I say fear is all the crap, the limiting beliefs and junk that we tell ourselves that keeps us from doing the things that we really want to do. So that’s what I mean when I’m talking about fear.
I want to pull out my sage archetype side for a minute and talk about why fear plays a role in our business and what we can do to overcome it, also. But I feel like understanding where these things come from is the first step to figuring out how to get the eff over it do whatever it is you’re trying to do. So the first thing I want to say about fear is to understand that humans are selfish creatures. And if you’re afraid to do something, like let’s say you’re afraid to post a video or do a live video, or you’re afraid that people are gonna think you’re slimy and salesy and gross when you’re talking about your business. I would like you to think about where that fear comes from.
First of all, like you’re not really scared of a video, a video as a tool. You’re scared of feeling a certain way. You’re scared of being rejected or feeling like you’re not good enough for that everybody’s going to think you’re a big giant idiot for being on a video. So when we’re talking about fear, I think it’s really important to take a step back and look at what we’re really actually afraid of because just sitting there saying, oh, I’m scared of video. Just saying, oh, I’m scared of video. I’m, I’m scared to do this and I’m just never going to get over it. That’s, that’s not going to help you get where you want to be. So the first thing I would like to point out from my sage-y side is to recognize again that all humans are selfish. I don’t want to be a jerk, but hey. But, um, how do I say this? I’m just going to say it like, people don’t care about what you’re doing as much as you think they do. Like if you’re super worried and terrified that you’re going to say something dorky on video, like people don’t care as much as you think they do. I promise you that. So after we’ve kind of recognized that, that’s like the first step to really overcoming doing it.
Yeah, kind of just recognizing those things. And then if you are struggling with that, if that’s something that you feel like is holding you back in your brand, like you’re not getting where you want to be with your brand, then I’m going to say something else that might sound kind of mean. But it’s really important to get comfortable with rejection. If you want to have a strong brand. You can always go the easy route and you can have a brand that is never going to offend anybody and is never going to make people have a reason to disagree with you or to challenge you. But it’s also probably going to be really boring. So if you Brand Boldly and are bold ind what you’re doing and are authentic about putting yourself out there with everything that you have, and really embodying your message and sharing your message, there are going to be people who disagree with you. Like that’s just how the world works. So getting comfortable living with that rejection. And that’s really not even the best word because the premise is that you have to be able to separate that from your emotions and realize that it’s not about you at all. It’s about them and whatever it is that’s making them feel like you’re wrong for them or you’re different, that’s totally okay. And being able to separate those results from whatever you’re doing is really important. And kind of getting over that.
So I remember like, when I first started doing this and I had my email list and every time somebody would unsubscribe from my email list, I would like, oh, I get super upset and like, oh my gosh, they hate me. I hate this so much. And it takes a little bit of mindset work honestly, and I’m not going to pretend like I’m any kind of mindset coach at all. All I can do is tell you what I’ve done and what has worked for me.
But it’s about realizing that if they’re unsubscribing from your list or if they’re disagreeing with you on a Facebook post or whatever it is, it’s because you are not, they’re not your ideal client and you are not what they need at that point in their life. And that’s okay. So if I’m having someone unsubscribe from my list instead of, you know, being upset about it and getting my feelings hurt, like they don’t like me, it’s taking that belief and shifting it into something that is more realistic and helps me achieve my goals. So shifting that into something like, well, if they’re unsubscribing, it’s because they don’t need what I’m offering and I’m not the person for them. I’m not a good fit and they’re not a good fit for me. So if they don’t like my emails, then we wouldn’t be a good fit to work together anyway and it’s pointless having them on my email list.
Shifting your beliefs into things like that, that makes it more realistic for you to get over it. Whatever you need to do to get over it and become detached from that result and become detached from that emotional feeling because you’re not going to be successful if you’re constantly worried about stuff like that.
They’re not your ideal clients if they’re, if they’re really offended by anything you do. Because when it comes down to it, you can’t say or do the wrong thing to your ideal client because it’s not possible. They resonate with you and they like your personality and they are attracted to you because of you, not whatever it is that you’re selling. So if you stumble on your words, like I’ve done freaking 50 times already in this particular video, your ideal clients see your message and understand what point you’re trying to get across because their brains work the same way as your brain does. And your ideal clients are still gonna love you and they’re not going to care about all those stupid little things that you think are some huge deal that’s going to make you look dumb or whatever it is that you’re worried about. If it’s really your ideal client that you’re talking to, then it’s not gonna matter at all. It’s really not.
So that’s where that ideal client research comes in that I’ve talked about probably a hundred times already in this group. Go listen to the other episodes if you don’t know what I mean. But understanding your ideal client and getting inside their head, it matters for every single thing that you do in your business. So when we’re talking about this, it’s really important to attract those ideal clients, the right clients in the first place so that you’re talking to the right people. And that stuff is not going to be as big of an issue for you.
So, that’s the end of my psychology speech. So I realize that just saying those things doesn’t necessarily make it, oh, okay, that’s easy. I got this. Now I’m a pro. Like that’s not how your brain works. So I’m going to switch gears a little bit into like practical things that you can actually do to get over them. Aside from the mindset work, obviously the mindset work is super important. I’m just going to pretend like I know how to teach that because that’s not my thing. But the practical things, so like let’s say for instance, you are terrified of being on video. Like the idea after you’ve done your mindset work is to be working towards that goal as your end goal. Because you know you need to do it, you know you want to do it, but you’re just scared. So if that’s where you are, what practical things can you do to get there?
For instance, with video, like you can start with doing a prerecorded video instead of a live video. So you have a chance to practice what you’re going to say and record it 5,000 times if that’s what you need to do.
The right people do want what you’re offering. Otherwise they’re not the right people. So that’s where, that’s where that research comes back in. So you have to just trust in your offer. First of all, if you’re, you have to be confident in what you’re offering, that it’s a really good thing, whatever it is, and that it’s really going to get results for people. And then the right people, it will be right for them. Or it won’t be, and then they won’t be the right people. Does that make sense?
But so just getting comfortable with doing whatever it is that you can do to push yourself in the right direction. Because what we don’t want us to just be saying, I’m scared of video and I’m just never going to do it. And I’m just going to sit here every day and be terrified of video and never get over it. So taking those baby steps. So prerecorded videos, I talk about that just a second ago or if you want to do a video and not put your face in it at all, you know, like make a slide, like make slides and share your slides and do something that way and talk through it. Or you could do like a picture in picture where you’re just little tiny at the bottom.
But anything that will make yourself feel more comfortable. Another tip for that is just being prepared and knowing what you’re going to say. Again, your content should be the easy part for you. You should, if we’re at this level, we should be pros at whatever it is we’re offering and there should be no question that what we’re offering is valuable. So as long as we know that, then just feeling prepared for what we’re going to say. So feeling like, I know my shit. If anybody does have a question or if anybody does challenge me on this part of it, think through how you’re gonna respond and think through what you’re going to say to that. Because you know the answers and it’s, it’s nothing to be scared of, but you do have to be prepared to back up what you’re saying. So just kinda thinking through those things beforehand.
Another tip for video, I’ll keep going for on video for a second just because this is what I hear the most often, but simple things like just getting the right equipment can make a huge difference. Like I have this Webcam that was like $35 on Amazon and it makes so much difference. It’s so much better. And this little microphone right here, like this little thing. So the sound quality is good and you’re not having to worry about stupid stuff like that.
Even dumb things, like for whatever reason, it’s not logical, but if I’m wearing a necklace, I just, I feel like I have my shit together. If I’m wearing a necklace for whatever reason, it’s not logical. But anything that makes you feel comfortable and confident about whatever it is that you’re saying do that. And finding the right software. So you’ve seen this software that I use a little bit where I can overlay text on it and just makes it feel fancier even though it’s really not that big of a deal. Or Zoom. If you guys have used Zoom, there’s this freaking magical button in the settings that says “touch up appearance” and it like blurs your crappy whatever you’re trying to hide on your skin. For me it’s like my face turns really red and I hate it. So Zoom is magical and basically just doing whatever it is that you need to do to feel comfortable sharing your message because that’s, that’s why we’re here at the end of the day.
It doesn’t matter if you look like a dork. It doesn’t matter if you stumble over your words. It doesn’t matter if your two year old comes screaming through the room butt naked. Or this morning when I was on a call when my dog escaped and is running wild in the front yard and I had to take a second to to deal with that, like it doesn’t really matter. Your job is to show up and send your message and share your value with the world. And that’s what your ideal clients care about. Not any of that other crap. Humans are selfish. They don’t care about any of that stuff as much as you think that they do, unless they’re just a jerk. And in which case you don’t want them in your world anyway.
So how do we emotionally accept that not every person is our client or customer, we all need pay, right? Am I going to turn clients away if they’re not ideal?
That’s definitely the end goal. Is to only work with those clients that are our ideal clients. That’s definitely the end goal. In the meantime, yeah, you got to make money. You gotta, you gotta do what you need to do. But at the same time, you shouldn’t sacrifice your values to get there if it’s something that’s really important to you. That’s obviously a personal decision. And I can’t tell anybody how to run their own business, obviously. But if it were me and I just needed money and I would take a client if I needed to take them, as long as it wasn’t something that really just made me miserable having to work with them. So if it’s a little discrepancy discrepancy, that’s fine. It’s really up to you to make that decision.
But the point of building a brand from the very beginning is so that you don’t have to deal with that problem at all. Like if you’re building a strong brand and attracting the right clients in the first place, that’s not going to be as much of an issue. So I talked about this in the last episode, the ideal client episode. It’s just as much about attracting your ideal clients as it is about deterring the wrong ones. So weeding out those people who aren’t your ideal clients right from the beginning is gonna solve a lot of those problems. But at the end of the day, you got to do what you gotta do. As long as you’re not doing anything that makes you feel slimy or gross, do it. But with the idea that you’re working towards something more and you are taking the steps to get where you want to be and not just settling for that and saying, oh well this is where I am, this is the people I’m attracting. And just being okay with it. Because it’s not okay to just settle for whatever you can get in your life. Short term. Yes, but that’s not a long term strategy. We want to feel fulfilled and passionate about our businesses.
The other thing that I hear a lot that people are scared of is like being seen as salesy and sleazy and slimy. And I don’t want to have to “sell” my thing. I don’t want to have to say I’m better and here’s why. And honestly, nobody likes doing that. Like that just, I think that feels gross to everybody. And that’s another human thing. And that fear comes from, you don’t want to be treated that way. And you don’t want to be treated like a number from a slimy salesperson and you want to feel heard and valued, and you want to treat people with that same respect. And that’s a very noble thing. That’s a good thing. So it comes down to building your brand around that and eliminating the need for that at all.
So the first thing you do, and I think I already said this a second ago, is make sure that whatever you’re offering is valuable. Like you, you’re gonna feel slimy and gross if you’re trying to sell somebody something that you don’t think is as valuable. But if you’re just, if you’re just selling something just to make money, just because you need to pay your bills and you don’t really feel passionate about it and you don’t really feel like you can get them the results that you’re promising, then you’re going to feel slimy and gross every time you try to sell that because that’s not the way that you should do business. That’s not the way that anyone should do business. So just being really confident about what you’re offering goes a long way. And then being, again, being prepared. Like I’m weird in that I’m a really creative person and I do the design, but I’m also a very practical and analytically minded as well, and I want to plan out everything and I want to be super prepared. I think part of it comes from being in debate in high school, too. Like I anticipate every argument that I’m going to get before I ever talked to somebody and I know exactly how I’m going to respond. And yeah, that’s cheesy and it’s not necessary, but it does make you feel more confident when you’re talking to someone and it makes you feel like you’re doing everything that you can to not feel gross.
Talking about sales specifically and getting on a sales call with somebody is scary for a lot of people. So just practice. It’s something that you can do that’s super easy. Like I’m trying to think what I did at the very, when I very first started doing it. Like I would say, practice on your friends and family. That’s a little hard if they don’t really fit into your ideal client. But something that’s really fun that you can do is to offer like, not necessarily a free session but like an assessment where whatever it is your thing. Like for my thing, I did assessments and they were called like what message is your brand sending? Where I would go onto their website and look at their stuff and say, okay, here’s who it looks like you’re talking to. Here’s the message that I’m getting from it. Is that really the message that you want to be sending? Hopefully it is. Usually it wasn’t. So then you’re giving them value straight off the bat, but then just practice taking those free calls and transitioning that into a sales situation at the end. And the best way to do that is to not think of it as sales, but you already know what their problem is and you’re just offering a solution. And that’s really the end goal is – to not sell them anything. It’s to offer something that solves their problem. That’s, that’s what it’s really about.
So if you want to just practice, you know, without high pressure situation, do something where they’re getting a shit ton of value immediately so that you’re not going to feel bad if you do something silly at the end. But just practice. Practice, practice makes perfect. Like that’s the best way to do it.
And again, the same thing I said beforehand, like being confident in your offer, but also setting up expectations for how everything is going to work. Like if you’re getting on a call with somebody and you know, it’s going to be a sales call, then set up the expectation at the beginning, like get on the phone and say, Hey, let’s talk through kind of what your needs are and then see what are my like, what, how does working with me, what would that look like? And then at the end we can decide if we would be a good fit or not. Set up the expectation at the beginning that this is exactly what this is. They know what’s coming and if they don’t want to hear it, that’s okay, too.
Another thing that I like to do is to prequalify people before I ever get them on the phone. So I have a form on my website that if they’re interested in working with me, you have to fill out the form so that I know, you know, on a core level we’re a good fit in the first place so we don’t waste anyone’s time. But it also asks questions like, have you already looked at the sales page and have you already looked at the pricing?
That’s another thing you can do is always list your prices on the website upfront. So nobody’s ever surprised by what you’re doing. And again, talking to that exact right person. Then when you get on a sales call, it’s really more a matter of logistics. They already know about you, they already know about everything that you’re doing, so it’s not scary and they know that they know what’s coming. They know that you’re gonna offer them something and they’re just going to have to decide if it’s a good fit for them or if it’s not.
And then just being detached from that result on an emotional level where if they say no, that doesn’t mean that you’re bad at what you do. That means it’s not a good fit for them at the right time. And that’s okay.
But going back to the beginning though, like it’s, it’s totally unnecessary to waste your time on something that you can be working towards and being paralyzed by fear is not going to get you where you want to be. So just taking those actions to correct it and get where you want to be. Even if it’s baby steps, just do it. Like just freaking do it and you’ll be so much happier in the end.
That’s what I got for today. I stumbled through a little bit of that. But again it doesn’t matter. I think you get the point if you don’t get the point, you’re probably not my ideal client anyway.
“I think some fear is putting my thing out there and having people who knew me when and try to take me down a peg or joke about how I shouldn’t be doing the thing.” Okay. So that’s a good point too. So she’s talking about people that she already knows and I totally get that. I have people that are on my Facebook lists and stuff like that that I went to high school with and like they’re gonna think I’m stupid for doing this stuff. And who does she think she is trying to do whatever type. And again, that’s, it’s totally valid. I’d realizing that all of this stuff are our natural human emotions is kind of the first step to figuring out how to get over it. Just realizing that you are not the only person that has ever thought that goes a long way. At least it does for me. Like okay, it’s normal to feel like this. What can I do to get past this?
So some of the things that I did was I changed my privacy settings on my Facebook and I have a setting where everybody that I know, like from my real life, you know, like my, my close friends and like acquaintances that don’t have anything to do with my business. I have them on a separate list and when I share things I choose to, am I sharing it with those people or am I sharing it with other people? And it eliminates some of that stuff for sure.
But at the same time it comes down to just being confident in whatever it is that you’re offering and you have to be willing to just own it and own what you’re doing. And if you know that it’s the right path for you and it’s truly what you’re supposed to be doing and what you’re meant to do, then if they don’t agree, then they’re probably not a good person to have in your life anyway. Honestly. And I know that gets really hard when it’s like close family or close friends and they just don’t get it. I know that that can be much more difficult to deal with for sure, but maybe it, and if it is somebody like that, maybe it comes down to, you know, I feel really strongly that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. If you don’t agree, that’s okay. But maybe let’s just keep those parts of our lives separate. And maybe we just don’t talk about those type of things when we’re hanging out together. And that’s okay. It’s okay. It’s good to set those boundaries if you need to set those boundaries.
And there are plenty of people in my life that when I say what I’m doing or I say, you know, I have an online business and they’re like, yeah, okay, whatever. That’s not going to work. You’re just going to have to go back to your regular job. And like you just, it’s about choosing to not be surrounded by that type of negative energy that doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t help you get where you need to be. So if you can, just not hanging out with that person or not be around that person, that’s the best option. If it’s somebody that you can’t do that with, then just setting up those boundaries and just, and I realized that’s a hard conversation to have, but it’s an important one to have. It’s really important to not let other people suck that energy out of you or you’re not, you’re never going to get where you want to be and you’re going to prove them right. If you, if you listen to them and you let them bring you down, then you’re just going to prove them right. So setting up boundaries is super, super important. It’s very important, especially with the people that are closest to you. If they don’t, if they don’t get it and if they’re not supportive and it’s hard but it’s worth it.
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